“Linderman had something going here.”

This iconic scene from the TV show Heroes continues to perpetuate vividly within my conscience daily. I know that its a bit sad allowing such a lucid conversation to linger in your thoughts for so long. But understand (within the context of the show) that it was quite a breathtaking reflection made at the time for both characters.

It raises an important question that all of us must ask ourselves daily.

Mr. Linderman: There comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.

Nathan Petrelli: I’d like to have both.

Mr. Linderman: Can’t be done, two very different paths. To be truly happy a man must live absolutely in the present. No thought of what has gone before and no thought of what lies ahead… but a for a life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future.

Which path have you taken?

“Living the good life. Jeansy Molanza at 6 months old.”

It was a warm Monday afternoon and I had been making my way back home from primary school. I opted to take the shorter route today as a challenge, hoping that no dogs were on the loose as usual. There was an annoying tendency for the homeowners in the working class South African suburb of Cresslawn to leave their gates wide open and unattended. This was especially true for those who lived down the second third of Turner Street and fostered canines akin to Cainozoic-era beasts in their backyards.

But today was different. No stray dogs in site. I could see a ‘Stop’ sign in the distance, a clear indication that a left at the next junction would have me at home in record time. Beating the clock meant more time spent perplexing over Power Ranger episodes on TV. As I approached my destination, I noticed a large figure swaying towards my path. Eventually my route was blocked by a burly white male. I could not help but stare at the metallic golf club he clutched firmly with both hands.

“Kaffir! What are you looking at? I’ll bliksem you with this golf club!”

Translated this means:

“Nigger! What are you looking at? I’ll beat you with this golf club!”

I kept staring, puzzled by this stranger’s hostility to my cheerful demeanour. All I wanted to do was get home and watch cartoons. I mean, why did I care about his golf club?

Oh man!

I’d been thinking too much. The delinquent pushed me down onto the grass and tried to choke me with his golf club.

“You heard what I said kaffir? Don’t f**k with me.”

He then quickly disappeared into his home after further harsh words. I stood up briskly, dried the tears with my school jumper and then tried to cheer myself up with the Arthur theme music playing through my head. With that ended my first taste of racial discrimination, and yes… I had a second encounter with the delinquent but that’s another story. He subsequently got assaulted by one of my close friends to a point of near-extinction in the years that followed (much to my eventual dismay – I don’t condone violence).

A Panorama special a few weeks ago incurred this flashback, an episode in which two undercover reporters posed as an Asian husband and wife and lived on a tough housing estate. For two months they suffered racist attacks, with the wife being pelted with glass and stones and the husband at one stage being punched in the head by a man in the street. A later appearance by Nick Griffin on Question Time accentuated these memories even further but I made the firm decision to ignore it up until now. Prior to this I had come to accept the fact that within the company of friends I was respected for my individual qualities but outside of this circle I amounted to no more than a regular coon.

No need for an uprising of any sort!

As an individual who has long opted to never acknowledge any racism against him, I was quickly reminded that there are some situations in which you simply can’t ignore such stereotyping. Certain situations in which your safety is being compromised with personal defences being tested to an extreme extent leaving you open to attack.

I began to ask questions…

Why did this concept of race originate? Why is it necessary?

The human family doesn’t need to be split up into Caucasoid, Negroid or Mongoloid groups. It has created so much ruin and detestation.

Such hate is surely premeditated by a voice within us. And because it’s carefully hidden away it becomes difficult to understand what it all means until we find the origin.

Is racism hereditary? No that just sounds stupid.

After a couple days glossing over the idea my mind kicked into reverse and I found myself on cotton fields chanting freedom songs with some slaves. It became clear to be that racism was not simply born out of ignorance. The early merchants involved in the slave trade did not enter the slave trade because they were prejudiced against the Africans.

They just wanted to make money.

Once that foundation of economic profit had been laid it became idyllic to think of the black man as inferior and not altogether human. Such ideologies were cleverly interwoven with the offbeat prejudice brimming at the time and once completely coupled it went on to effectively brainwash millions.

Don’t get confused! Racism and race prejudice are two different things. The primary functions of race prejudice are cultural and psychological. The primary functions of racism are economic and political.

Alas I always remain in awe at my altogether primitive nature…

At some future period, not very distant as measured by centuries, the civilized races of man will almost certainly exterminate, and replace the savage races throughout the world. At the same time the anthropomorphous apes … will no doubt be exterminated. The break between man and his nearest allies will then be wider, for it will intervene between man in a more civilized state, as we may hope, even than the Caucasian, and some ape as low as a baboon, instead of as now between the Negro or Australian and the gorilla.

Darwin’s highly respected theory of evolution – scientific proof that black people had to be oppressed and completely destroyed for humanity to strive on.

It must be true!

The truth hurts.

I am Porch Monkey!

Here I sit at my desk… wondering what to do next.

Just might have to continue this at a later stage.

“A stumble may prevent a fall.”

Everybody dreams about success in form or another. The hope of a better tomorrow is placed on a pedestal in our hearts and minds and we eagerly anticipate the day when all of our desires will become a reality. ‘Fast-forward’ thinkers contemplate on the completed product before they’ve even begun working on the blueprint. This numbs the effect of any present trials and tribulations they may face as each setback acts as guidance; a slight tweak to the vision here and there. But with a constantly changing outlook on this goal due to life’s obstacles they find it becomes harder and harder to reach with each step.

Despite the above introductory banter, a lot of us will end up with everything that we want.

And with such folk it becomes clear that this desire for victory came from a need to free themselves from current responsibilities and demands that were weighing life down. Achievements allow us to trade in our present lives for an entirely new one. As a child I used to believe that once this happens everything would be perfect but that was never the case. I found out over time that each time I gained exactly what I wanted I merely shacked myself down to new responsibilities and demands.

A lot of the things I’m about to say have the potential to be hypocritical largely due to the fact that it all could change one day. My overall ideals may experience a paradigm shift over time. I pray in good faith that they don’t. People with the intellectual prowess, financial resources and political power to pursue whatever they want do exist. I’d assume that some form of influence continuously perpetuates around such individuals which strengthens the ideals of ‘common’ men within a 30m radius.

Am I susceptible to their persuasions? Time will tell.

Writing this blog entry was difficult, largely due to the fact that it goes against the fundamental aim of modern life – a lust for triumph. Each time I’ve raised such topics with anyone I know it is ignored or not taken seriously hence no discussion prior to this blog entry has mattered. This did not help with my self-confidence and hindered my ability to express myself freely. Such self-doubt was put at bay when I studied the book of Ecclesiastes.

I set my mind to seek and explore by wisdom concerning all that has been done under heaven . . . I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind.

What is the meaning of life? The author (King Solomon) provided a sufficient answer by simply describing the ordinary life as a repetitious cycle of events; neither possessing nor giving lasting value or satisfaction. Whatever a man does in his lifetime he must do it with the knowledge that it is futile.

I have seen that every labour and every skill which is done is the result of rivalry between a man and his neighbour. This too is vanity and striving after wind. The fool folds his hands and consumes his own flesh. One hand full of rest is better than two fists full of labour and striving after wind.

It doesn’t end there. Life has become a competition for many people. Man is competitive by nature, desiring to be the best in whatever he does.

I recall telling friends that I’d be unable to attend university due to financial reasons. Despite this decision not being one I’d personally made, I found myself being ostracised. As a young boy my father kept telling me that life is difficult. Regardless of my academic achievements at school he’d constantly press on the hardships that would soon follow. Back then I ignored it. Upon finishing school I was quick to learn that what I’d achieved at school now amounted to nothing in certain people’s eyes. In time it began to mean nothing to me as well. I felt I deserved much more than this.

Then I looked again at vanity under the sun. There was a certain man without a dependent, having neither a son nor a brother, yet there was no end to all his labour. Indeed, his eyes were not satisfied with riches and he never asked, and for whom am I labouring and depriving myself of pleasure? This too is vanity and it is a grievous task.

This was a grave error on my part. The strong spirit of competition within me had lead to covetousness – an excessive eagerness to obtain and possess anything my heart desired. Even if I found success in my endeavours what would it get me? My accomplishments are only temporary. One solution to this dilemma would be to simply drop out. Because there is no hope to all struggles I’ll simply sit back and never try to achieve anything.

Don’t follow this road. It is the way of a fool.

For who knows what is good for a man during his lifetime, during the few years of his futile life? He will spend them like a shadow. For who can tell a man what will be after him under the sun?

It’s important to keep working. But recognise that there is a time for everything in life. There is no personal profit to any of our activities on Earth at the end. What good is it to be born if you eventually die? What good is it to plant if what you plant is eventually uprooted? What good is it to throw stones if they must eventually be re-gathered? What good is it to go to war if you will eventually make peace?

He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.

We ask all of these questions because God has made us in such a way where we are not satisfied with life as it exists under the sun. Each of us here is trying to make sense of the whole thing and what we ultimately want from it because we have been given a sense of eternity within – thinking of and imagining things beyond our own short lives. Man desires eternal life. He has a desire to understand God’s program. This is why he has pursued science and theology; he has been gifted with a desire to understand His creation.

He unconsciously has a desire for God himself; within our spirits is a deep call for home, for a place that caters to the human spirit much more than this life can provide.

Recognise God in all your endeavours and in time the mystery that is life will begin to unravel itself.

The wisdom of the world does not bring true knowledge.

“The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”

Has anyone seen District 9 yet?

It’s an instant sci-fi classic; one which provides an introspective testimony on the possible effects of segregation between alien refugees and humans residing in South Africa. A lot of obvious parallels can be drawn between the story of the movie and real world events. These include (and are not limited to) the Holocaust and the current ongoing war in the Middle East.

The film has a repressive tone which reverberates louder with each progressive scene, one which is reminiscent of the Apartheid regime that South African’s endured between 1948 and early 1994. Nelson Mandela was at the forefront of the liberation struggle, a freedom fighter that believed in and applied the practices of Martin Luther King and Gandhi. The idea of a peaceful protest against a violent oppressive government seemed far-fetched at the time but in the end he prevailed.

South Africans now live in a just politically correct society with equal human rights for all.

During his time in prison, the South African government offered Nelson Mandela early release from prison provided that he made a statement to his people stating clearly that he no longer supports violent protest. Was this necessary considering what was mentioned in the previous paragraph? Mandela did not believe in violent protest. But his party’s attempts to demonstrate such an ideology in their approach to the liberation struggle would be met with gunfire by the South African police and army.

What good was a peaceful protest in such a situation? Hundreds and thousands of innocent protesters were being shot and murdered. Mandela believed that people should have some form of protection against such crimes so he turned down the offer to be released.

Violence is at times necessary when innocent people need to defend themselves.

Upon release, Mandela decided to contact all of his friends in high places in order to investigate the deaths of the peaceful protesters but found nothing. A few faces here and there, but no guilty party. Later on it became apparent that there appeared to be a ‘hidden hand’ or ‘third force’ that lay behind the further random scenes of violence, which included military-style attacks on trains, drive-by shootings and a series of massacres and assassinations. This appeared to involve covert forces intent on escalating violence as a means of derailing the negotiations process at a point when South Africa had begun taking its first steps towards true democracy.

”There could be no point in me calling for peace in the country because the violence is caused by certain faceless elements.”

Mandela had this belief that right-wing groups had begun recruiting black mercenaries to sow seeds of fear and disagreement at this crucial time between parties. Despite violence in segregated townships escalating; this clearly was not simply a black-on-black clash. These incidents seemed provoked by a mysterious ‘third force’ which the Government had failed to recognise until now.

I don’t know who or what was responsible behind these events. The concept of such ‘death squads’ seems to have originated from the higher-ups who had the power and influence needed to orchestrate such attacks effectively. Certain individuals had to be permanently removed from society and even after amnesty hearings; there has been no hope in discovering the truth behind those responsible.

Dwelling on this matter and conducting further research has proven to be futile. I won’t put the blame on ‘The White Man’ as the majority of contemporary writers do. Instead I choose to further acknowledge the co-existence of a greater evil than the most cunning of men in our world. One who appears to be colourless, shapeless and lacking any form of order; a negative energy that seems to infect everything apart from those who decide to seek refuge in God’s light. He is the one responsible for all the misery and ruin throughout the world.

Who do you think this individual could be? Do you acknowledge his existence? Or do you feel that the belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary because men alone are quite capable of all wickedness?

Would such free will make man good or evil by nature?

“Windows Explorer has stopped working. Windows Explorer is restarting.”

CTRLALTDEL is a quick music project I compiled in my spare time to listen to while in transit. The title is derived from a set of keys you hold down when your Windows computer is not responding.

In a literal sense it could refer to the last means of escape from an uncertain situation.

It comprises of varying styles of house with African, minimal tech and Latino influences taking centre stage throughout. The first three tracks were taken from the same release and they serve as the ‘introduction’ from which the mix builds on. Although it’ll only appeal to a certain crowd, I hope everyone enjoys it.

Like a good movie its best enjoyed from start to finish. While you’re in transit.

1) Jimpster – Sleeper (Franc Spangler Remix)
2) Jimpster – Just The Kind Of Girl
3) Jimpster – Sleeper
4) Jaidene Veda – In Luv In A Luv Song (Nick Holder Remix)
5) RiBN – This Feeling
6) Studio Apartment – I’m In Love (Rasmus Faber Epic Instrumental)
7) Quentin Harris – Travelling (Vocal Mix)
8) The Sunburst Band – He Is (Joey Negro Club Mix)
9) Tortured Soul – I Might Do Something Wrong (Osunlade Lonely Mix)
10) Boddhi Satva – Punch Koko (Main Mix)

Download here.

“We confess our bad qualities to others out of fear of appearing naive or ridiculous by not being aware of them.”

I’ve been meaning to type up a new blog post for ages now. There are several ideas floating about in my head I wish to explore. But unfortunately an excessive exposure to FIFA 2010 has downsized my current perspective on life itself. Why can it not all revolve around a simple virtual football pitch?

Such offbeat philosophies have begun to worry me (when I am in a more self-conscious state that is) and as a result I’ve packed away my gaming console and tried to flush away any remaining memories of the game.

Withdrawal symptoms have so far included rebound REM sleep, tremors, anxiety and hallucinations to name just a few. Alas, there is not much to worry about. My psychiatrist has cleared up his schedule so we have more appointments a week.

I’m currently on the route to recovery and hope to see all my family and friends soon.

God bless.

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”

On early mornings after work, I often get a lift down to the bus stop from an elderly gentleman I affectionately call Miyagi (no that’s not his real name). The beautiful thing about daybreak is the overwhelming amount of peace it brings; watching the world slowly come to its feet, its inhabitants ready for a new day of trials and tribulations.

During this brief two minute drive he enquires about the state of business on the day and if I’ve reserved his special customer for pickup after he drops me off. I try my best to fulfil this requirement as he is often the only driver in the area at the time. I then ask him about how he is finding work on this particular morning; already knowing the answer to this question – as I’ve just come out of the office aware of the current situation. But this helps pad our conversation nonetheless and as we stop beside the bus shelter, I leave the vehicle and bid farewell to Miyagi.

The second leg of my journey begins there.

Each day I’ve come to expect same routine and a break from this would feel slightly awkward. Because beneath our simple conversation lays very complex weaves – from this the fabric of two individuals at completely different stages in their life begins to materialise. But whilst my loom’s textile quality is lacking any signature motif and has poor build quality; Miyagi’s has effortlessly redefined haute couture, due to his extreme attention to detail and finish.

I often wonder what sort of joy this sense of elegance conveys. Do other people recognise this unique light emanating from him?

Modern society takes a narrow minded view of the old. Like antiques in a dilapidated corner village store or Sunday market, we’ve opted to place them in havens in attempt to shy them away from public view because they no longer ‘belong’. Residential homes are the last stop for yesteryear’s generation of citizens, a place where they can enjoy the last precious moments of life in a community with people their own age.

A vast majority have been forgotten by their families. Others have the privilege of actually being able to revel in the company of regular visitors.

Some have been placed here by force; against their own will because their families do not have time to care for them.

We live in a society that has no place for the old – they are now seen as burdens and not blessings.

The most disheartening viewpoints come from those who discredit the advice they give. Does the wisdom gained in a long life mean nothing? Rapid advances in information technology and new-age philosophies shouldn’t be a replacement for the prudent parables of the elderly. Once you place that ‘backwards-thinking’ into a modern context everything begins to make sense.

“Honour your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

For the generation that followed: don’t let the cares of the world overshadow what is important – your family. If they are sick, take care of them. If they need a place to stay, offer your home. If they need help financially, try and help them. The most important thing to remember is that the elderly are the figureheads of our society and command respect. Guard them with all you have.

“Politics, education, literature, science, art, law, commerce, music – such are the things that constitute the cosmos and these are things that we meet daily. Subtract them and the world as a coherent system ceases to be.”

In my spare time I’ve been reading “Revolution in World Missions” by Dr K.P Yohannan. Within his book, he details his struggles as an Asian missionary trying to make a difference in the remote villages of the Third World. The book was a thorough, honest interpolation of what he has seen in his lifetime so far; a kaleidoscope of emotions experienced through constantly alternating situations.

I couldn’t help but sympathise with his story.

One chapter entitled Why Should I Make Waves struck a raw nerve. Yohannan labels the British missionaries who had visited nations like China and India in the early 19^th century a total failure. He goes on to reinforce this statement by referencing a quote from Watchman Nee’s (an early Chinese missionary) lectures which were recorded in the book Love Not the World:

When material things are under spiritual control they fulfil their proper subordinate role. Released from that restraint they manifest very quickly the power that lies behind them. The law of their nature asserts itself, and their worldly character is proved by the course they take.

Throughout this chapter, Yohannan criticises the humanist approach to churches these days. This is a reality a lot of Christians face daily; a varied assortment of half-truths which actually turn out to be full-lies. All church goers must ask themselves this: do you feel that any mission sprung from the base things of the world can be considered as part of the Gospel? The difficult answer is no.

The humanist approach to religion has been subtle and filled with good intention. A humanist places emphasis on the welfare of this present physical life and not the spiritual well-being that is essential for the after-life. There are numerous social programs that we see advertised on television which offer the Third World population a better quality of life. Yes it’s all good, but a part of me feels that this charity at some point must come to a stop. These people must be given the resources to sustain themselves. Alas it is impossible given the situation; rice handouts and a new village well cannot save people either as individuals or as a society.

Within our churches; the youth find this form of schooling so attractive. The teachings of the Gospel have become “me-centred”, based on reinforcing our social status in the world at the cost of our own souls.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?

You can separate the truth from the lie when your teachers refuse to admit that the problem of humanity isn’t physical but spiritual. The average humanist will never tell you that sin is the root cause of all human suffering. They will always shift the focus to the altering concepts of caring for the body and soul – ignoring the spirit. Because of such indirection, we find a lot of churches shifting a lot of their monies away from evangelism and more into social concern. We feed the hungry, care for the sick, house the homeless, sponsor dance classes and do other kinds of worldly development work. Yet we forget that the humanist goal for the church is anything except introducing people to Christ and giving them the tools needed to become real disciples.

I started to see the problem with the social Gospel at this stage. It seeks to fight a spiritual warfare with weapons of the flesh. We, as Christians cannot seek answer man’s greatest problem (his separation from God) this way. If so we are throwing man a board to float instead of helping him out of the water.

The bulk of this article was inspired from the writings of Dr K.P Yohannan.  The chapter Why Should I Make Waves in his book “Revolution in World Missions” helped in the structuring and direction of this blog entry.

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.”

Each night I catch the 4E to work; occasionally having the privilege of bumping into a number of interesting people. Everyone is much calmer at this time of the night; I guess that’s what makes these experiences so remarkable. I imagine that the majority of them are on the way home from work and are very tired, as everyone forms an orderly queue to board the bus, shows the driver their ticket, glides over to their seats and then sits… We’re all deep in thought, quietly musing over own thoughts and can’t wait to get home (well, apart from me). This is a strict procedure.

There is one gentleman that I remember very well because I always seem to get on and off the bus with him at identical places. He’s a pleasant chap, always smiling, greeting the driver on departure and thanking him for the safe arrival to his destination. We haven’t spoken as of yet but he always offers me his place in the line. As he is older than me I always politely reject his offer and insist that he boards the bus before me. It’s not like I am trying to be rude or anything. It’s purely based on mutual respect.

Well, not solely mutual respect. The gentleman is also disabled. He has trouble walking and has to rely on two crutches for support. But despite this he always manages to put on a proud, beaming face.

This has lead to a dilemma within my heart and mind. Logic states I should treat this man without any discrimination even with his disability. But modern society and human conditioning has built up certain barriers within my mind. We, as citizens of the world understand that we are obliged to give such people a better quality of life by adjusting the relative environment slightly to meet their needs (i.e. lower desks in stores, specialised toilets, wheelchair ramps and so on). But in doing so have we planted the roots of segregation right in our front gardens; in full-view of all to observe and absorb? I’m not saying that such help is wrong, but there has to be more to this. I pity the gentleman as a result. It saddens me to think that I dwell so long on the little problems in my life and he is unable to make proper use of both his legs.

Does my elevated status trick me into believing this is simply the case?

In all fairness I should be elated by his individual nature rather than fixated on his physical nature. It’s never enough to acknowledge that someone is disabled but the willingness to understand is empathy. We are so often painted this poignant image of the disabled in the media that we have begun to start caring for all the wrong reasons.

Why should it matter to us what someone’s medical condition is called?

Putting someone on a pedestal because you want to make them feel better isn’t going to help… its patronising!

Don’t stare… but recognise someone’s existence; a simple gaze partnered with a smile can be powerful expressions of warmth and recognition.

Appreciate the contribution that this person has made to society as a whole. Don’t assume that their life’s activities are in place simply just to take their mind off their disability.

After reflecting on this experience, I’ve decided to accept the gentleman’s offer to board the bus before him in the near future. I understand that the reactions from others may deem unfavourable but I will do this out of respect.

To be fair is to be absent of bias in all situations poised in life. Try and place yourself in another person’s situation before making decisions. Although this is difficult, we should all try our best to be accommodating to other people’s demands; even amidst our own high expectations in a humbling manner.

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever…”

After half a year in the blogging game, I looked back on this website and asked myself… um well what have I really achieved? Sure, uploading a couple of my favourite tracks for people to enjoy might have seemed like a good idea initially but it had now become a rut. My own blog had begun to bore me. How was it relevant?

My mind stretched back to a time when I used to enjoy this. A couple of years back I would sit behind my computer with the intent to write. But as I grew older I became increasingly drawn towards meagre things and enveloped myself within so much stress from life itself that the buzz of writing became an afterthought. People around you don’t do much to help sometimes as they are often facing similar things. I became complacent with the situation I had found myself in because everyone seemed to be going through those same things. The blog was created within this “era of confusion” and with each new post its misdirection became more apparent. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with it anymore. Hence I took the firm decision of deleting all my posts and starting over.

This is a new canvas for my thoughts and ideas; I have no concerns over who will view this material. I’ve always enjoyed helping people with their problems but unfortunately due to issues of time and space this is not always possible. I hope future posts offering solutions to some of life’s woes and concerns will help.

In time I hope to reflect upon this collection and smile half-heartedly, knowing that it was created within an “era of intervention” and with each new post its significance became more apparent.